I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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