***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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