Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
