I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
