the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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