Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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