worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
