Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
