I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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