yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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