so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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