If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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