Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's just so happy...and so naked.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize