Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You smell like stripper and shame
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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