after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
