Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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