At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
