I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize