Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
