Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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