You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
