Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
