He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I intend to get homeless drunk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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