so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
