she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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