I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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