Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
