The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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