just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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