Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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