Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.

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(303): View more from Colorado

So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(415): View more from California

Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in

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(754): View more from Florida

Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...

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(512): View more from Texas

Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.

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