no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
