AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
