I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
