Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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