guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
