You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
