its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize