I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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