He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
