how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
