How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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