apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
