Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm getting married
To pizza
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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