I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
