all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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