yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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