glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize