I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
