how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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