the day after is always just damage control
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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