I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just googled if crying burns calories
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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