there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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