I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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