im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
