Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
