pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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