Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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