There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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