I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
