I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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