you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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