My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
