i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love having hate sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
