Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
