Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
