are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i love accidental penises.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
