o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
