He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
