I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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