Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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