Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
