remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
